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Parenting Corner

A little more Persistence, Preserverance and Passion little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.


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AUG

2017

DO THE RED LINES ON YOUR CHILD REPORT CARD MAKE YOU READ WITH ANGER

Posted by Admin on 4 AUGUST, 2017

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HOW MUCH DID SACHIN TENDULKAR SCORE IN HIS BOARD EXAMS? THE QUESTION MUST HAVE REALLY BAFFLED YOU AND NO AMOUNT OF SEARCH ON THE INTERNET WILL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER. BUT IF YOU ARE ASKED ABOUT HIS NUMBER OF CENTURIES, YOU’LL KNOW THE SAME HOLDS TRUE FOR GREAT MEN AND WOMEN LIKE LATA MANGESHDER, BILL GATES, AMARTYA SEN AND SO ON. SO WHY IS THAT PARENTS LAY SO MUCH OF STRESS ON MARKS THEIR CHILD SCORES IN EXAMS. THE STRESS IS SO MUCH THAT IT DRIVES SOME GRIGHT YOUNG CHILDREN TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND MANY INTO DEPRESSION.

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Parents should not shut their minds to the fact that success in life doesn’t come with marks but with lifeskills of confidence, leadership, positive attitude, problem solving etc. Education is way beyond marks. Don’t assess your child’s success by sheer marks he scores in examinations. So don’t exert pressure on your child to touch the 90% mark, instead motivate him to take exams not as the end but a means to test and develop all these lifeskills.

When children score bad marks, the first reaction is of parents is felling of shame, embarrassment and anger. The outcome is criticism, punishment and the worst of all telling the child constantly that he has to improve the results no matter what. Just try to see, will such a reaction to your child’s bad marks help him or make things worse.

Marks should never be a cause of distance between you two. No matter how badly your child performs, it should not reduce the love, the trust and the understanding between you and your child. Otherwise your child may start hiding his marks. Children are weighed down by guilt that they have disappointed their parents by not scoring well. Express to your child that you love him irrespective of the score in his exams. Your assurance of unconditional love will relieve him of all the stress and he’ll be motivated to give his best shot. All the best!

Words By:-Sudha Gupta

JULY

2017

KNOW YOUR CHILD LISTEN TO HIM

Posted by Admin on 25 JULY, 2017

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Parents are often heard complaining to their child, "Why don't you listen to me?" But why do parents forget that it's a vicious circle. How good you are at listening to your child will determine how well he responds when you talk.

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Pay full attention : Don't be distracted by T.V. or the book you are reading. Don't just hear, but listen to him attentively to make him feel importan

Be patient : Children cannot be expected to be articulate. Give him ample time to express and help him ascertain his feelings.Don't deny his feelings : If your child says that he is hurt after falling from the bed, don't tell him he is not. A child needs his feelings to be accepted and respected.Sensitivity works better than logic : When a child talks about an upset, don't interrupt him with logical or philosophical explanations. Rather hug him, hold his hand and let him speak his heart out.

Listening adds confidence: Children begin to trust their feelings, believe in their perceptions when parents listen to them. This goes a long way in making a child a good conversationalist, a confident personality and the one who likes to listen to his parents.

Listening helps in understanding your child : Know your child's needs, discover his interests, help him to come out of his problems and complexes by listening to him. Listening to your child will help you to become not only a better parent but also a friend much closer to your loved one. .

Words By:-Sudha Gupta

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MAY

2017

LIVE AND LET LIVE

Posted by Admin on 8 May, 2017

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EVERY CHILD HAS INBORN CREATIVITY,YET NOT ALL ADULTS WHEN A MIRACLE CALLED A BABY HAPPENS TO LIFE, IT LITERALLY CASTS A SPEELL ON THE PARENTS. THEIR WHOLE LIFE, THEIR WHOLE WORLD STARTS REVOLVING AROUDN THAT TINY BEING. HE BECOMES THEIR HEART AND SOUL. AS THE LITTLE FINGER CLUTCHES ON TO THEM FOR SUPPORT, PARENTS BELIEVE THAT THIS IS WHAT THEIR LIFE IS MEANT FOR NURTURING AND BEING WITH THEIR CHILD. AND SO OVERPOWERING IS THE WANT TO GIVE THEIR CHILD THE BEST THAT PARENTS CAN NEVER LET GO OFF HIS FINGER. THE FLIP SIDE OF PARENTING IS NOT THAT PARENTS FAIL TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILD BUT THAT THEY JUST CAN’T LET GO!

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In the flow of love, parents often don’t realize that they have started living their child’s life. They are so blindfolded to provide the best to their child that they hardly give any freedom of choice to the child. To prevent failure, they take all the ‘best’ decisions for him and not let him follow his instincts. ‘Don’t play in rain, you’ll catch cold’; ‘Wear the pink dress to the party, red one is so ordinary’; ’What will you do with guitar lessons, enroll for abacus classes’; ‘I can’t let you be friends with that boy, he’ll spoil you’; ‘Opt for math and not arts, math will help you all your life’-do these lines sound familiar to you?

You may think you are supporting and helping your child get results in life, but inside of this what will happen to your child? By living his life, you are unknowingly killing you child’s natural abilities and depriving him of the chance to come out with his true colors. If you constantly decide for him, how will he learn to take his own decisions? Your .Overprotective attitude will take away from him his golden childhood and mar his confidence and independence. And the day when you’ll want your child to live life on his own terms, he’ll be unprepared and incapable.

So let go. Let your child learn to take decisions and take responsibility of the outcome. Let him do.What he enjoys doing and not what you think he should do. Let him wear, meet people, do things of his choice. Let him follow his dreams rather than you fulfilling yours through him. Give him freedom and space in life .

You don’t start living you child’s life, for that it is important that you don’t stop living your own life. Parents are so engrossed in their child that they forget that they have aspirations and dreams of their own. They even ‘yearn’ for the old days or satisfy themselves that this ‘sacrifice’ will pay off. Reclaim you life. Go for candle light dinners with your spouse, chill out with your friends, join a hobby you have been procrastinating, do what you have longed to do in life may it be pursuing studies of starting you business. Your zeal to live life will inspire your child to live a life he loves. Live your life to the hilt and also let your child do so. Love, happiness and success in your family will be boundless.

Show your child all the colors of the world but let him paint the canvas of his life on his own. Appreciate his painting and guide him where he could’ve made it better, But never think how if you had the brush, you could have painted it batter!.

Words By:-Sudha Gupta

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APR

2017

"DOES YOUR CHILD EMBARRASS YOU ?"

Posted by Admin on 23,April 2017

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IF NOT ALL, MOST OF THE PARENTS FIND IT EMBRASSING IF THEIR CHILD JUMPS ON THE SOFA OR MAKES NOISE AT SOMEBODY’S HOUSE.I HAVE OFTEN HEARD PARENTS MAKE COMMENTS LIKE HOW THEY HAD TO SWALLOW HUMILATION WHEN THEIR SON MADE A PILE OF ALL THE CUSHIONS AT THEIR RELATIVES PLACE AND SAT ON IT.IF THE CHILD EATS IN A LITTLE MESSY WAY IN FRONT OF THE GUESTS, IT INVITES A STERN STARE FROM THE MOTHER. AND GODFORBID IF THE CHILD TAKES A HANDFUL OF SWEETS FROM THE SERVING BOWL,PARENTS MUTTER UNDER THEIR TEEET “TAKE ONE”AND CURSE IN THE MINDS FOR BEING ILL MANNERED.THEY ADMIT SPANKING THEIR CHILD FOR ACTING “ROWDY” OR EVEN PUNISHING HIM SAYING “YOU HAVE BECOME OUT OF CONTROL”.

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Are you one of those parents who think that such behavior of your child reduces your rating as a parent in front of people ?

Parents, in the race of showing people how well brought up their kids are, forget after all they are just children. Hopping, making noise, being clumsy doesn’t mean the child is lacking manners. It simply means he is being himself. Don’t expect children to sit in a corner and act like adults. Children have so much energy and curiosity that they need to be busy doing one thing or the other. It helps to widen their imagination, rouse their desire to explore, raise their confidence and keep them happy.

And if you stop them from being children, you are just limiting their growth. In doing so, you will also be snatching away the golden period of your child’s life- his childhood. Let him enjoy every moment of this phase, every moment of his life. This should be your mantra even when your child grows up. After all, you may not be able to keep your children as ‘children’ forever but you can keep the ‘child’ in them alive always.

The other day, when my 13 year old son insisted to display all of his 9 cricket bats in none other than the drawing room, I knew it would mar the beauty of the place which is otherwise decorated exquisitely. But I let him be. As I sat on the sofa with his father, watching him arrange his most prized possession on the panel, he beamed at us ‘Look, isn’t it great!’ .The spark in his eyes was enough to put away our thoughts that the drawing room will not be good enough for high profile guests. In that moment, I realized we had given a message to our son that ‘he means the most to his parents’. That is what matters and that is what should matter to all the parents of the world.

Tip: Children are not your trophies but God’s most beautiful gifts. Let them be themselves and grow up the way nature intended..

Words By:-Sudha Gupta

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JULY

2016

FIRE UP THE CREATIVE SPARK IN YOUR CHILD

Posted by Admin on 28 January, 2017

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EVERY CHILD HAS INBORN CREATIVITY,YET NOT ALL ADULTS ARE CREATIVE.THE REASON BEING ALL CHILDREN DON'T GET THE ENVIRONMENT,THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND THE OPPORTUNITIES TO UNLEASH THEIR CREATIVITY. NOT EVERY PARENT BELIEVES THAT HIS CHILD IS CREATIVE.AND NOT EVERY PARENT UNDERSTANDS HOW HE CAN HELP HIS CHILD DISCOVER THE CREATIVE ASPECT OF HIS PERSONALITY.OR RATHER UNDERSTAND HOW THEY MIGHT BE COMING IN THE WAY OF HIS CREATIVITY !

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Parents should know that a child's creative journey begins not when he is ready to stand in front of the painting easel or join classes at SHAMAK DAWAR'S institute but when he draws his first sun or shows his first twist.This where you can either fire up that creative spark with your words of encouragement or put it out by criticizing or showing no interest in your child's efforts.

As parents,you should always boost the confidence of your child to try new things and follow his hearts.Because creativity is one thing which will give immense pleasure and bring vibrance to his life.Always appreciate your child's every new idea (no matter how weired you find it ),every creations(even if it is not great)and give him ample opportunities to discover and hone his creative skills.

It has been seen that all great creative people like PICASSO or BEETHOVEN may not belong to rich families but had great parental support.But do remember that your encouragement should not come with expectations.After all,each child cannot be an M.F Hussain or a Lata Mangeshkar.But each child has the right to discover his talents ,his skills and even his limitations.And it is in this discovery,your child will find happiness,contentment and who knows,may be even success.

How can you help your child unleash his creative abilities ?

Give him freedom to think,Let your child come up with new ideas,paint as per his imagination,create his own dance steps or play the drums in his own way.

Allow him to invest time and energy to explore and develop his creativity without pressurizing him for studies or results.

Appreciate your child at every step irrespective of the outcome.Participate with him,show interest and express your pride.

JUN

2016

"WHAT ‘LABEL’ DOES YOUR CHILD CARRY? "

Posted by Admin on 1 Jun, 2016

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No one knows a child better than his own parents. They watch their child speak, move, spit, squat. They can read his gestures like no one. They know their child in and out. And they are the ones who have the license to analyze and give him labels like ‘happy’, ‘aggressive’, ‘creative’, ‘stubborn’, ‘fearful’, ‘irritable’, ‘shy’, ‘intelligent’, and so on.

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This label is what the world begins to believe your child is. Most important, your child will identify himself by not what he feels he is, but by what label his parents have given him. Tell your child is an achiever, and he’ll be. Tell him he is a loser, and he’ll lose all the battles of his life.

Your labels keep changing as your child grows up. What once you thought is a meek, fearful girl mow doesn’t let you enter the mall till you let her do bungee jumping! Now you have discovered that your child is not a ‘lamb’ after all. So when these labels cannot stand the test of time, why not give your child a label you want your child to be? Believe your child is loving, caring, happy go lucky, witty, gutsy, and see your child will become so. All this doesn’t mean that you expect your child to be perfect, no human being is. He will always have his limitations. But if you as parents look at his positive traits, he is bound to give less importance to his weaknesses and more importance to his strengths. That again doesn’t mean that your child can overlook the negative shades of his personality and never improve upon them. But to motivate him for improvement, you don’t have to demean and belittle your child. Your positive label will empower him with the motivation and the confidence to be present to his weaknesses and not let them overpower his personality.

The label you give to your child is the ultimate truth of his life. When he grows up and tries to assert his identity as contrary to what you have labeled him, he might become successful but will never be able to shed the label your have given him. It becomes his shadow. Even if he becomes the CEO of a multinational, your label of being ‘good for nothing’ will always be on the back of his mind.

I have always seen my elder son as a shy and quiet boy. After 19 years, he hasn’t change. He will not. But I have never fought his shyness but always looked at the maturity with which he handled every situation in his life. Today my son is not conscious of his shyness, but of the perseverance and tolerance that has built up in him. He is proud of himself because somewhere all our life, we have always been proud of who he is.

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MAY

2016

"RESPECT THE FEELINGS OF YOUR CHILD"

Posted by Admin on 1 MAY, 2016

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I was at a book store. A girl of about 5 was playing with a magnet which had a small iron ball attached to it. The moment her mother announced that it is time to go, the ball slipped from her hand. She frantically started looking for her precious toy. After a brief hunt, her mother pulled her up. Seeing tears in her eyes, she promised to buy a chocolate. The sobs grew louder. A promise of a Shahrukh movie was added. But the girl refused to leave. Then her mother looked at her sternly telling her to stop crying. Luckily another customer who was witnessing the scene found the ball and handed it over.

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I couldn’t help imagining what if the mother instead of making a series of promises, would have told her, “I am so sorry that you lost your ball. How can mama help you? Shall we buy another one?”

For a child, even a pebble can mean a whole world. And where you can wipe the tears, you cannot erase the memories. Incidents like these, no matter how small, can give a new direction to a parent child relationship. A child may begin to feel that his parents have no regard for his feeling. With each such incident this belief will strengthen and the gap between the child and parent will widen. Such a child may fear but will never respect his parents’ authority. He may close himself in a shell or come out to rebel against his parents. Eventually he’ll never bother to express because he’ll presume that his parents don’t understand his mind.

Why is that when parents love their child so much, they often disregard his feelings? Why is it that the moods, the emotions, the views of the child are given names like stubbornness, tantrums or demanding? If a child wants to read a story book before sleep, he is scolded for not listening. If he wants to play outside and not study, he is accused of being a rebel. If he says he doesn’t want to eat a particular vegetable, he is forced to saying he should not act fussy. And why would a child listen to a parent who might have good intentions but shows no respect for the desires and feelings of his child.

Listen to what your child has to say, empathize, respect his feelings. It may sound like a one to one equation with someone who is half your size. But remember your child may be small, he has feeling just like you.

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APR

2016

"THE ONE MINUTE PARENT"

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Posted by Admin on 2 APR, 2016

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'We Want To Do So Much For Our Kids, Take Them Out, Play With Them, Make Them Feel Special And Loved By Where Is The Time?.’ I Have Often Heard Parents Lamenting About The Dearth Of Time. Working Mother Crib About The Hectic Schedules, Housewives Complain Of The Responsibilities And Fathers Justify That There Is Nothing More They Can Do Within The Limit Of 24 Hours.

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Parents always overlook the small things and keep waiting for the big things to happen to make their child feel happy. But relationship with children is built on small joys, which doesn’t take days or hours to create. Parents keep planning and waiting of ‘spare’ time and miss upon those few minutes, which can become memories for a lifetime.

On one busy day, I had to rush back home from the office just to change for the next meeting. I felt guilty for not spending enough time with my son. I thought I’ll explain and say sorry to him. As I entered his room I forgot about my apology and said, ‘I feel so good to see you. I am really tired, wish I could get some tonic’ and just opened my arms. My son hugged me tightly and planted a kiss on my cheek ‘that’ for double energy’. I walked out of the house feeling fresh. As sat arranging my papers in the car, I came across the book I had been reading ‘The one minute manager’ I smiled at myself as today I had learnt to be a one minute parent.

It doesn’t require days, not even hours but just a few minutes to establish the special bond of love with your child. Your look for a chance when you can have a warm chat with your child and tell him how much you care, that he is the most special, know about his interests and his disliking, tell him how much you believe in his abilities so that he feels encouraged. Well never ever leave a chance when you can have a heart to heart talk with your child. But also do remember that expressing your love for your child, motivating him, making him feel important does not depend upon time.

When you child shows you his drawing, it takes just a minute to look at it and say ‘It is great’. When he asks you to see her dance steps, it just takes a while to sit and clap for him. And if you have another minute, you can shake a leg with him. As you walk by, pat your child’s back as he is doing his homework. Answer his question, even if it means given a break to you conversation with your colleague. Take a minute to snuggle up with him is bed before you doze off to ease your day’s stress. In fact, these moments with your child will be the best way to de-stress yourself.

Ditto when it comes to enjoying with your child. You don’t have to wait till the Sunday evening of till you have time for a holiday to have fun with your child. Try having bath with your child, have pillow fights with him, build houses of mud in the garden, compete with him for who can make the funniest face, get wet in the rain with him, play football in the park or simply roll over with him on the bed. These moments will make your child feel more loved and cared for than any outing can.

Once you bind your relationship with your child with love and not time, you’ll see the bond between you two getting stranger, the love blossoming like never before.

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MAR

2016

"Love Your Child Unconditionally"

Posted by Admin on 1 MAR, 2016

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The story has been taken from the book “Chicken Soup for Mother’s Soul” . This Is How The Story Goes. The Mother of A Handicapped Child Returned From A Pilgrimage And Told Her Friend That God Had Finally Heard Her Prayers, A Miracle Had Happened. The Friend Rushed To See The Child Who Looked Just The Same. The Mother Then Explained, ‘I Love My Son The Way He Is. I Don’t Want To Change Him. If He Had Been Otherwise, I Would Still Love Him The Same Way. God Has Really Answered My Prayers. He Has Given Me The Son I Always Wanted’.

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That was on beautiful realization of a parent. How often we wish our child to be someone else and not what he is. We wish he was a little more intelligent, a little more extrovert, a little better in his elocution, wish he was on all rounder like the house captain in the school and so on. And then our love flows on conditions. A child is hugged when he bags the trophy and not when he has lost, he is rewarded with appreciation when he crosses the 90% mark and not when he falls short of your expectation, he is made to feel great if he performs well in front of the guests and criticized if he doesn’t he is told that his parents are proud of him only when he fetches a good job and considered incompetent if he is struggling.

I am sure each of you have your own conditions, your own set of changes you want in your child. Come to think of it, will your love change after a metamorphosis in your child? No! you love your child and you’ll always love him, so why these conditions?

The love for your child is flowing inside you. No miracle from God can increase of decrease the amount to the only miracle that’s waiting to happen is your realization.

No comparisons, criticisms, prayers, guidance will make any difference. Only your unconditional love will cause all the miracles you ever canted and even those you never thought were possible to happen.

When I was my son sitting grimly in his room, it was a little surprising to see the otherwise so high-spirited boy feel so low. Showing his class 8th report card he said, “I could just score 58% marks mama. I feel I don’t deserve anything”. Taking his hand I told him, “I want you to know that this will make no difference to my love for you. And a bubby loving son like you deserves the best in the world.” And we continued to have our evening chat just like any other day. The next morning, when he came to say bye before leaving for school, I sensed a unique confidence in his voice when he said, “Ma I have decided that I will do really well in the next exams.” That moment he confirmed to me that love is the biggest motivation.

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